THE TOP 10 SIGNS YOU'VE WATCHED TOO MUCH STAR TREK:

  10) You send weekly love letters to the actress who played the Green
         Skinned Orion Slave Girl in episode number 7.
   9) You pull the legs off your hamster so you'll have a tribble.
   8) You tried to join the Navy just so you could serve aboard the
         Enterprise.
   7) Your wife left you because you wanted her to dress like a Klingon
        and torture you for information.
   6) You went to San Francisco to see if you might bump into Kirk and
         crew while they were in the 20th century looking for a whale.
   5) Your college thesis was a Comparison of the Illustrious Careers
         of T.J. Hooker and Capt. Kirk. [hey, don't rip on TJ Hooker!]
   4) You fly into a homicidal rage anytime people say "Star Trek? Isn't
         that the one with Luke Skywalker?"
   3) You have no life.
   2) You recognize more than 4 references on this list.
   1) You join NASA, hijack a shuttle, and head for the coordinates you
         calculated for the planet Vulcan.

		TOP TEN BUMPER STICKERS ON THE U.S.S. ENTERPRISE

 10. "Our other starship separates into 3 pieces!"
  9. "One photon torpedo can ruin your whole day...think about it"
  8. "HONK if you've slept with Commander Riker!"
  7. "Guns don't kill people...Class 2 Phasers do!"
  6. "Zero to Warp 9.7 in 13 seconds!"
  5. "CAUTION...We have a trigger happy Klingon at tactical."
  4. "If you can read this...don't you think you're a wee bit too close?"
  3. "Have you hugged a Ferengi today?"
  2. "We brake for cubes!"
  1. "Wesley On Board!"

                  TOP 20 USES FOR DATA'S DETACHED HEAD

 20.  Combination paperweight/stapler for Picard's desk
 19.  The ball in Parisse's Squares [sp?]
 18.  Hood ornament for shuttlecraft
 17.  Replace Troi's broken Chia Pet
 16.  Scare blind students in Braille class [Braille in the 24th century?]
 15.  Prop open doors for maintenance crews
 14.  Lawn decoration in Arboreteum
 13.  Footstool for Captain's chair
 12.  Entertaining kids in day care puppet show
 11.  Scare Alexander into doing chores
 10.  Send to Dr. Kyla Marr (killed Crystalline entity) as gag gift
  9.  Decorative air filter in Picard's fish tank
  8.  Send to Starfleet Android research center so they can get "ahead" in
        research [groan, groan]
  7.  Trade to Ferengi for Star Trek Hologram cards
  6.  Two words:  tether ball
  5.  Keep Worf's coffee table from shaking
  4.  Centerpiece in Ten Forward buffet
  3.  Donate to Starfleet Academy to be head of the class [groan, groan, groan]
  2.  Use as nutcracker at Christmas time
  1.  Prove to insurance company he died so crew can collect on his life
         insurance policy

         SURE FIRE SIGNS THAT STAR TREK IS TAKING OVER YOUR LIFE:

      1.  Saying "make it so" in casual conversation
      2.  Bewildered because the periodic table doesn't include dilithium
                 and tritanium.
      3.  Able to use the phrase "variable phase inverter" in a sentence
      4.  More than one pair of Spock ears in junk drawer
      5.  Have figured out the stardate system
      6.  Sudden urge to wear lots of Lycra and/or Spandex
      7.  Shopping at local liquor store for synthehol [Sharp's?]
      8.  The Star Trek theme becomes background music for your dreams
      9.  Major quote sources for thesis are Shakespeare, the Bible, and
                 "The Omega Glory"
      10. Memorization of the crew's authorization codes
      11. Forgetting that present-day elevators don't have voice interface
      12. Attending a convention wearing non-Terran attire
      13.  Using the word "Terran" at all
      14. Actually considering buying that $300 model of the
                Enterprise from the Franklin Mint
      15. Understanding Klingon
      16. Lecturing any science professor on how transporters work
      17. Playing fizzbin and understanding it
      18. "The Outrageous Okona" seems like a fine piece of writing and
                 dramatic stylistics
      19. Inexplicable rock-climbing urges
      20. More than three original episode outlines buried in your drawers

        THE TOP TEN FAVORITE ACTIVITIES OF CAPT. JEAN-LUC PICARD

 10. Ordering Earl Grey tea from the computer, then smacking himself on the
	forehead and saying "I could have had a V-8!"
  9. Yelling "Punchbuggy!" and hitting Riker's arm whenever he sees a shuttle
	craft
  8. Screwing around in the holodeck when he ought to be on the bridge
  7. Spotlighting unsuspecting crew members with the glare from his forehead
  6. Lecturing everybody on why it's rude to fire the phasers at other
	life-forms
  5. Sending crank subspace messages to Starfleet Command asking if Dick Hertz
	is there
  4. Asking Beverly Crusher to come to his quarters so he can show her "a REAL
	Picard Maneuver"
  3. Ticking off Romulan commanders during tense confrontations in the Neutral
	Zone by asking "Are those Bugle Boy jeans you're wearing?"
  2. Telling crew members in menacing, Dirty Harry voice, "Go ahead, Make it
	so"
  1. Putting banana peels on the transporter pads just before an away team
	beams back up


              The TOP TEN lines from the upcoming TNG episode,
                   "The Enterprise Stops at Taco Bell":

10) (Troi) I sense... indigestion.
9) (Picard) Don't order the fajitas, Number One, they'll go through you at
   warp nine.
8) (Wesley, guest starring) Look, mister, the sign says you get a free "Little
   Orphan Annie" cup with any taco salad purchase, and I'm not leaving here
   'till I get one!
7) (Worf) Klingons do NOT eat burritos!
6) (Geordi) I bet if I allowed anti-matter to collide with these chimichangas
   we could boost warp power by 27 percent!
5) (Dr. Crusher, pointing tricorder at a taco) Inconclusive meat readings,
4) (Picard) You're on, Number One. Whoever can squirt the most jalapeno sauce
   up his nose gets treated to desert.
3) (Riker) What do you mean you don't serve tokelau here? What kind of Mexican
   restaurant is this?
2) (Data, re-joining Geordi after bugging Picard with a boring monologue on
   the history of the enchilada) I do not believe it is physically possible
   for me to place an enchilada in the area suggested by the Captain.
1) (Picard) When we get back on the ship and you have the conn, Number One,
   you'd better not queef on my chair!