A man is out in the Chinese wilderness and he's hopelessly lost.
It's been nearly three weeks since he's eaten anything besides the nuts
and berries that he could forage and he's been reduced to sleeping on damp
ground, in caves and under trees.
	One afternoon he comes upon an old pagoda in the woods.  It has
vines covering most of it and the man can't see any other buildings in the
area.  However, he sees smoke coming out of the chimney, and happily
concludes that someone is home and his plight is finally over.
	He knocks on the door and an old gentleman answers, with a white
beard almost down to the ground.  The old man squints his eyes and feebly
screams-out, "What do you want?" The man says, "I've been lost for the
past three weeks and haven't had a decent meal or a night's rest since
that time.  I would be most appreciative if you would be gracious enough
to allow me a meal and the opportunity to sleep in your home for tonight."
The old Chinese man offers, "I'll let you come in on one condition:  You
cannot mess around with my granddaughter."
	The man, exhausted, delirious and famished readily agrees, saying,
"I promise I won't cause you any trouble and I will be on my way tomorrow
morning."  The old Chinese man counters, "OK, but if I do catch you, then
you will be faced with the three worst Chinese torture tests ever known to
mankind."
	"OK, OK", the man said as he entered the old house.  Besides, he
thought to him self, what kind of woman would live out in this wilderness
all her life?
	Well, that night, after a hot shower, the man came down to eat and
saw, across the table from him, the ravishingly beautiful granddaughter.
She was an absolute pearl, and while he had only been lost three weeks,
had been many, many months without companionship.  On top of this, the
girl had only seen the occasional monk besides her grandfather and well,
they couldn't keep their eyes off each other throughout the meal.
	That night, the man sneaked into the girls' bedroom and they had
quite a time, but had kept the noise down to a minimum.  The man crept
back to his room later that night thinking to himself, "ANY three torture
tests would be worth it, after that experience."
	Well, the next morning the man awoke to a heavy weight on his
chest.  He opened his eyes and there was this huge rock on his chest.  On
the rock was a sign saying 1st Chinese torture test:  100 LB rock on your
chest".
	"What a wimpy, lame torture test" the man thought to himself as he
lifted the 100 pound rock, got up and walked over to the window.  He
opened the shutter and threw the rock out.  On the backside of the rock is
another sign saying "2nd worst Chinese tort ure test:  Rock tied to right
testicle".  The man, seeing the rock was too far out the window to be
grabbed, smartly jumps out the window after the rock.  Outside the window
is a third sign saying, "3rd worst Chinese torture test:  Left testicle
tied to bedpost".