RESEARCHERS DISCOVER NEW ELEMENT

	AMES, IA. -- The heaviest element known to science has been
discovered simultaneously by materials researchers at IPRT/ISU and the
Lawrence Livermore National Laboratory.  The new element, tentatively
named Administratium (Ad), has no protons or electrons, and thus has an
atomic number 0.  However, it does have one neutron, 75 associate
neutrons, 125 deputy associate neutrons, and 111 assistant deputy
associate neutrons.  This gives it an atomic mass of 312.  These 312
particles are held together in the nucleus by a force that involves the
continuous exchange of particles called morons.

	Since it has no electrons, Administratium is totally inert.
However, it can be detected chemically, since it impedes every reaction in
which it takes part.

	According to its discoverers, a tiny amount of Administratium
caused one reaction to take over four days to complete; the normal
reaction time is less than one second.  Mark