The Last Things Any Woman Would Ever Say

   1.Could our relationship be more physical? I'm tired of just being friends.
   2.Go ahead and leave the seat up, it's easier for me to douche that way.
   3.I think hairy butts are really sexy.
   4.Hey, get a whiff of that one.
   5.Please don't throw that old T-shirt away, the holes in the armpit are
     just too cute.
   6.This diamond is way too big!
   7.I won't even put my lips on that thing unless I get to swallow.
   8.Wow, it really is 14 inches!
   9.Does this make my butt look too small?
  10.I'm wrong, you must be right again.


The Last Things Any Man Would Ever Say

   1.I think Barry Manilow is one cool motherfucker.
   2.While I'm up, can I get you a beer?
   3.I think hairy butts are really sexy.
   4.Her tits are just too big.
   5.Sometimes I just want to be held.
   6.That chick on Murder She Wrote gives me a woody.
   7.Sure I'd love to wear a condom.
   8.We haven't been to the mall for ages, let's go shopping and I can hold
     your purse.
   9.Fuck Monday Night Football, let's watch Murphy Brown.
  10.I think we are lost, we better pull over ands ask for directions.


17 Of The Female Rules

   1.The female makes the rules.
   2.The rules are subject to change by the female at any time without prior
     notification.
   3.No male can possibly know all the rules. Attempts to document the rules
     are not permitted.
   4.If the female suspects that the male may know some or all of the rules,
     she must immediately change some or all of the rules.
   5.The female is never wrong.
   6.If the female is wrong, it is because of an egregarious misunderstanding
     which was the direct result of something the male did, said, did not do,
     or did not say.  (ie: see rule number 5)
   7.If rule 6 is invoked, the male must apologize immediately for having been
     the cause of the misunderstanding without any clues from the female as to
     what he did to have caused the misunderstanding. See rule 13.
   8.The female may change her mind at any time for any reason or no reason at
     all.
   9.The male is never permitted to change his mind or under circumstances
     without the express written consent of the female which is given only in
     cases where the female wanted him to change his mind but gave no
     indication of that wish. See rules 6, 7, 12, and 13.
  10.The female has the right to be angry or upset for any reason, real or
     imagined, at any time and under any circumstance which in her sole
     judgement she deems appropriate. The male is not to be given any sign of
     the root cause of the female's being angry or upset. The female may,
     however, give false or misleading reasons to see if the male is paying
     attention. See rule 13.
  11.The male must remain calm at all times, unless the female wants him to be
     angry or upset.
  12.Under no circumstances may the female give the male any clue or
     indication whether or why she wants him to be angry or upset.
  13.The male is expected to read the mind of the female at all times.
     Failure to do so will result in punishments and penalties imposed at the
     sole discretion of the female.
  14.The female may, at any time and for any reason, resurrect any past
     incident without regard to temporal or spacial distance, and modify,
     enlarge, embellish, of wholly reconstruct it in order to demonstrate to
     the male that he is now or has in the past been wrong, insensitive,
     pig-headed, dense, deceitful, and/or oafish.
  15.The female may use her interpretation of any past occurrence to
     illustrate the ways in which the male has failed to accord her the
     consideration, respect, devotion, or material possessions, he has
     bestowed on other females, domestic pets or barnyard animals, sports
     teams, automobiles, motorcycles, boats, aircraft, or coworkers. Such
     illustrations are non-rebuttable.
  16.If the female is experiencing PMS, Post-PMS, or Pre-PMS, the female is
     permitted to exhibit any manner of behavios she wishes without regard to
     logical consistency or accepted norms of human behavior.
  17.Any act, deed, word, expression, statement, utterance, thought, opinion,
     or belief by the male is subject to the sole, subjective interpretation
     of the female, other external factors not-withstanding. Alibis, excuses,
     explanations, defenses, reasons, extenuations, or rationalizations will
     not be entertained. Abject please for mercy and forgiveness are
     acceptable under some circumstances, especially when accompanied by
     tangible evidence of contrition.